Choosing a Mate

“Remember now your Creator
in the days of your youth...”
Ecclesiastes 12:1

Put God FirstDetermine to please God and look for a mate who has the same commitment. Together you can encourage each other to live as God would have you to live. This is the single most important thing to insure the success of your marriage. You will never regret having included God in your plans!

Be DeliberateTake time to get to know each other. Talk at length about everything. What things do you like? What things do you dislike? What do you have in common? It is better to find out now than later. A hasty decision can result in a lifetime of regret. Don’t be overly concerned if all your friends are married before you are. The right person is worth waiting for.

Make a CommitmentJesus said, “.. what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). This is God’s ideal for marriage. It is to be viewed as a lifetime commitment. It is a tremendous mistake to enter marriage with the idea of separating if it does not work out well. A marriage does not just happen to work out well. Both husband and wife must make it work out well --- this should be the clearly understood goal of both you and your mate.

Consider the FamilyYou can usually know what your potential mate will become by observing the family. Your potential mate will have the characteristics of the father and mother. Don’t be blinded by physical attraction.

Cut the Apron StringsBe certain you are ready to make your own home. Look for a mate who is not dependent on parents. God said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh ” (Genesis 2:24). Marriages do not succeed when one or both partners remain “tied to the apron strings.” Problems are not solved by running home to dad or mom.

Look For CharacterLook for the inner person. Don’t be misled by the outward appearance. Those who follow Jesus look to His example and try to walk in His steps (1 Peter 2:21-22). In all situations it is important to ask, “What would Jesus do?” This is a character building process. Determine to follow in His steps and look for a mate who is doing the same, but don’t expect perfection. The inner character will be evident in time.

LoveLove is active good will in the best interest of others. It is doing what is best for others. Look for a mate who has learned what love is. Many people do not know. “This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience --- it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of it’s own importance. Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of it’s hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Philip’s)

Resolve DisputesLearn to settle differences while you are dating. If you cannot resolve disputes satisfactorily now, you should not expect to following marriage!

Avoid This Mistake Although Christians enjoy helping others, it is a mistake to marry in order to solve your mate’s problems. This is not the purpose of marriage.

ForgiveIn personal relationships there will be many offenses. The offense should always be discussed and there must be a willingness to forgive. Jesus said, “.. if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14).

Be the Right PersonIt is important to find the right person. It is equally important to be the right person. It is easy for us to see the shortcomings of others and difficult to realize our own faults. Partners who are compatible grow together, learning to make allowances for shortcomings.

PrayPray for wisdom to choose wisely. Pray for guidance to walk carefully. Pray about every care and concern. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting ...” (James 1:5-6a). “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6).

What Can You Do? You can accept the authority of Christ by doing what He commanded (Matthew 7:21; John 14:15; 15:10-14; Luke 6:46). Notice the pattern for becoming a Christian as revealed in the Scriptures. The Gospel was heard, resulting in faith (Romans 10:17). Repentance of (turning away from) sin (Acts 17:30) and confession of Jesus as the Son of God followed (Romans 10:10). Believers were baptized INTO Christ for the remission (forgiveness) of sins (See Galatians 3:27; Colossians 2:12; Acts 2:38; 22:16; Mark 16:16; Romans 6:3-5; 1 Peter 3:20-21), and added to His church (Acts 2:47). Christians were taught to be faithful even to the point of death (Revelation 2:10).

We Welcome You Following the instructions of the Scriptures, members of Christ’s body assemble as congregations for worship, encouragement, and Bible study. The congregation in your community welcomes you to investigate the Bible with us. With a spirit of brotherly love we would seek to reconcile any differences by following the Bible ONLY. We recognize the Bible as God’s inspired word, the ONLY reliable standard of faith and practice. We desire the unity for which Christ prayed and which the Bible emphasizes in the expression, “one Lord, one faith, one baptism.” Together we seek to maintain “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

A friendly welcome awaits you. We do not wish to embarrass you in any way. You will not be asked for contributions. We assemble for Bible study and worship each Sunday morning and we welcome you to meet with us. We would be happy to talk to you about your questions and we want to be of encouragement.

Please e-mail me, Dennis Crawford, at BibleTruthsToU@gmail.com for comments or further Bible information, or for the location of a congregation belonging to Jesus Christ near you.